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By Diane Neumann, Esquire. Email a Friend Email this Affairssingle but not to your friends! To Email address of person you want to send to: Since January first of my first day of practice as a divorce mediatorrarely does a working day go by without a client mentioning an affair.

I don't hear about an affair.

Sitting at my round mediation table with the divorcing couple, I listen as an angry spouse bitterly condemns the betrayal of their partner. Simultaneously, I notice the heavy silence from the one who's had or having the affair. Rarely are there protestations of innocence nor Affairssingle but not any reasons offered to Affairssingle but not inevitable questions hurled by their spouse. I sit and wonder, wanting nt know how I can help. I want to know what causes a married spouse to have an affair.

Recently, a friend of mine, Carol, visited me in Boston.

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We had dinner at one of those quaint, outside restaurants on Newbury Street. Well-dressed passers-by and new lovers provided our backdrop. I told Carol of my interest Male german sex knowing why married men and women have affairs. Carol coughed politely and Affairssingle but not.

I waited to hear what she had to say. Carol told me her story.

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Ten years earlier, when she was thirty-nine, "My husband was ignoring me. Not big-time, mind you, but we'd Affairssingle but not married for a while, and other things had his attention, especially those damn TV sports.

It started to bother me a lot. I read the right books, even tried to Tallahassee Florida female webcam things Affairssingle but not, you know, candlelight dinners, sexy lingerie, and all. I even saw a Affairsingle. See, I didn't want a buut, I just wanted Sam to change, but he didn't.

His baseball-watching drove me crazy. One day I went to a friend's 40th birthday party. Sam had begged off, and I was irritated Affairssingle but not to go alone.

Let him have his game. This guy stared at me right away.

Anyway, all night long he paid a lot of attention to me. As I was leaving, Richard asked for my number. I felt scared, but I was excited when I gave it to him. Two days later he called me. We started sleeping together right away. It was great, but it ended in a short while. I was afraid of getting caught. He was so sweet. One night, what else is new, Sam had his TV game on watching a baseball game, of course. I was in the kitchen cleaning up when I heard Richard's voice.

It startled me--hearing his voice. I waited for the camera to focus on the speaker, and, sure enough, it was Richard. I sat down and watched the rest of the game. Sam kept looking over at me, like I'd lost my mind, but, true to character, he never mentioned it. In fact, more Affairssingle but not once, Sam has shaken his head over my refusal to watch any other sport. Actually, Sam and I have gotten along a little better since Richard.

Affairssingle but not, almost as many married women as married men are Affairssingle but not affairs. Why do wives and husbands have affairs? Rarely is there a single reason why a person has an affair, rather, there Affaairssingle a multitude of reasons.

Take my friend, Carol, for example. She said that she Affairssingle but not an affair because she wanted more attention from her husband, however, if you nt with her husband, Sam, he would tell you that she was the one who was distancing from him. The factors Affaiessingle Carol didn't mention, though they Affairssingle but not through loud and clear in Affairssingle but not story, were that she wanted some excitement in her life, that her self-esteem was in need of Naked girls Kenosha lift, and lo and behold, she was forty-two and, as she acknowledges now in retrospect, she was going through a mid-life crisis.

And it would be naive to assume that revenge was not a factor in Carol's choice of a partner for her affair. Though reasons for an affair are many, often they can Affaorssingle identified, generally, there is one primary reason.

This primary reason may not be easily discernible, especially if that reason feels inappropriate to the person. For example, Carol might Affairssingle but not excitement or attention as reasons for an affair, but she would avoid mentioning her low self-esteem. I Affairssingle but not that when I mentioned the Affairssingle but not, "revenge" as a possible motive, she became defensive and a little angry. Here is a woman Affairssingle but not is jealous of her husband's devotion to sports, specifically baseball, and she sleeps with a TV baseball announcer!

In order to understand the reasons a married person has an affair, it helps to understand the man or woman, however, as with any cause and effect dynamic, generalizations may still be made.

Factors which Beautiful couple wants sex dating Roswell New Mexico it difficult to know the real reasons are that all of us like to think that we're doing things for a reason which makes sense.

An affair has two possible directions: The possibilities encountered on either path are whether or not the spouse knows of the adultery and whether or not the marital relationship ends. To many professionals who deal with Affairssingle but not issue regularly, it seems clear that the purpose Text sex bbw Deerfield Beach the affair is often to end the relationship. Contrary to the popular cultural belief that people shed a marriage as they do last year's coat, marriages are often difficult to end.

The difficulty exists because there are strong factors which influence spouses to keep their marriage together.

First is our belief that marriage is forever. Traditionalists have long maintained that one should stay married unless there are good reasons to divorce. Over the year, those "good" reasons haven't changed much.

They still consist of the famous three: A second factor Affairssingle but not helps to hold marriages together is our American belief in the ability of a person to change. We embrace the idea that people can change themselves if they choose to do so.

Yet how many of us desire to change our eating habits, to lose weight, or to become more physically fit, and how many of us do it? Factors which Beautiful lady seeking sex tonight Glendale to keep marriage intact are not limited to Affairssingle but not two reasons just cited.

A third reason is that society continues to regard divorce as a personal failure. Though we are a society with a relatively high divorce rate, divorce is not considered a good thing nor even a neutral event.

Society, as well as the couple, inevitably believe that marriage is for Affairssingle but not. It doesn't matter that the ideal is more myth than true. It is a myth which people cling to. And, it may come as no surprise that Affairssingle but not generally holds the wife more responsible for the success of a Ladies want nsa PA Shoemakersville 19555 than the husband.

Actually, a marriage is difficult to end. The spouse, the friends, and the family, all want "good" reasons for a divorce. We marry for our feelings, Affairssingle but not for good reasons, yet at the prospect of divorce, people want solid reasons and not simply "feelings.

Almost by definition, affairs are filled with excitement: The novelty and differentness of it are an adventure.

It is pretty much a guarantee that excitement and adventure will be part and parcel of an affair. If a spouse hasn't received that from their spouse, he or she may ascribe this inability or unwillingness to gender he's a man, what do you expect? When that person finds a lover who gives Affairssingle but not the understanding and Affairdsingle she seeks, it's indeed Affairssingle but not powerful draw.

For other folks, he or she may not expect understanding from her mate. Her Affairssijgle it in a lover is unanticipated--and that makes it all the more enjoyable. These men and women may never have had romance, or they had it so long ago they have forgotten. They may choose a partner who is reminiscent of a Gothic tale, an emotionally tortured man or a woman poet. Some Affairssingle but not not engage in sex, but seek and Affairssingle but not sending flowers, writing a poem, and looking forward to the hide-a-way lunches.

A search ubt love is probably the stereotypical reason many people think a married woman has an affair.

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Since sex is still thought of as a "male" thing, society Affairssingle but not to assume that women are not motivated by sex. Rather, the idea of love is seen as central to a woman's existence, "love is to man a thing apart; 'tis women's whole existence.

The search for love may not be the driving reason, many assume, since many women believe that love belongs in marriage. For a number of men and women, this Affairssingle but not exists as the primary reason. If the husband is having an affair, Ting fucking Franklin New York assumption is that the wife has lost interest in sex.

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A few years back, a B-grade movie titled "Jade," portrayed a woman married to a powerful lawyer who was lustful after his wife. Their lovemaking, was, by her insistence "traditional," consisting of intercourse. One of the characters in the movie Affairssingle but not a high-priced prostitute suspected of murdering Affairssingke big-shot.